93 Million Miles
by chef diamond heart
Summary: Follow up to "Moonshadow". Nearly 3 years have passed since Jake and Bella reached an 'understanding' in Ch. 19, now it's decision time - but you know what they say about the best laid plans... Lemony fluff!
1. Chapter 1

Standard disclaimer applies: Stephenie Meyers owns it all, I'm just living vicariously through her lovely characters...

At last! The long-promised follow up to "Moonshadow"

Nearly three years have passed since the night in Chapter 19 when Bella and Jacob came to an 'understanding'. Now it's decision time... but you know what they say about the best laid plans...!

**93 Million Miles**

I checked over my preparations one more time. For about the fiftieth time. Apartment tidy, table set, clothes laid out. I fidgeted with the place settings.

"Really, Bella," I told myself, "If you polish the glasses any more they'll wear out! Relax."

Driven by my nerves I couldn't seem to help myself. I looked in the refrigerator yet again. Yup, the food I had bought and prepared was still there - just like the last time I looked.

In my anxiety for everything to be perfect I had made all my preparations way too early, Jacob wouldn't be here for another couple of hours. It was a lot of time to kill and the words I planned to say were running round and round my brain, leaving a sore groove in their wake.

I sat down primly in the center of my shabby sofa and tried to settle myself to wait.

Coming to the University of Puget Sound mid-way through a degree had been challenging to say the least. After the coziness of the Peninsula Community College this place seemed so huge and crowded – and it was quite small compared to a school like the UW! And the pace of the course-work was daunting; I felt like I hadn't drawn an easy breath the entire first semester. I still had to work to my utmost, but I was no longer terrified of ignominiously flunking out.

Late last summer, as I made my preparations for the move, I had vacillated between a hollow sensation at the thought of not being with Jacob on a daily basis and feeling of heady excitement at the prospect of being out on my own. I _needed_ to prove myself as an independent woman.

That first evening, after Jake and my dad had unloaded and left, I tiptoed around my little domain amid the wilderness of unpacked boxes and suitcases. For weeks I had focused on bustling and business, pushing away the looming reality of this night: I was in a strange place, alone.

From outside came noises of traffic and unfamiliar voices. Halfheartedly I emptied a box or two, not really noticing where I put things. Dueling stereos thumped on all sides, still it seemed very quiet inside the apartment.

Suddenly my legs wouldn't hold me up any longer. I sat down hard on the third-hand sofa and wept from an abrupt onslaught of homesickness and uncertainty. I sobbed wildly until I was breathless and exhausted and racked with shuddering gasps.

So much for being an independent woman.

Of course, as I got my bearings and met a few people, my anxieties had lessened. Between school and work, I hardly had the time to fret much. I began to enjoy this turn of life. Mostly.

A lot of it was great. For one thing, I loved having my own apartment. It was kind of a dump – all I could afford – and my neighbors, fellow students, were noisy at all hours, but still it was a place of my own. And it was a place where Jacob and I could be alone! It was rather like playing house, but the sheer luxury of spending the night together (and being able to walk around naked if we chose) gave the humble space considerable glamour.

Except that I wasn't seeing much of my wolf boy these days. Not enough any way. Jake was working for the state Parks and Wildlife Department, training in the Game Management Program. He enjoyed the course and was doing well, but he was often assigned in remote parts of the state for weeks at a time. When he wasn't on duty he had to divide his time off between me in Tacoma and his obligations in La Push.

I understood, of course; Billy was a priority - I loved him, too. There was the pack to consider, as well. Jake's determination to build a life for us filled me with pride, but I couldn't help but see that a certain toll was being taken as he tried to fulfill all his responsibilities. Often when he visited he'd fall asleep right after dinner; I would study his weary face and wonder how long this could go on.

For myself, a sense of being incomplete was my constant companion; every activity and conversation was filed in my mind according to how I would share them later with Jacob. It was as though a cable - the size used to make suspension bridges – was stretched across the state, permanently linking me to the tiny hamlet of La Push. The tug of that connection hovered continually in a low level of consciousness; I felt permanently off balance.

Missing him was an actual physical pain at times. By night I would toss and turn, my body crying out its need for his touch.

As the end of the second semester neared, the endless emotional tug of war had me pretty well worn out. It was decision time.

Still restless in my anxiety, I paced around, ruefully thinking how hard I was being on the already worn carpet. Time had never passed so slowly. Finally, I sat down by the window overlooking the parking area, waiting for Jacob.

At last. As I watched him park the black F150 he drove these days, I played a little game from my childhood: I shifted the focus of my mind to view him as if I were a stranger, seeing him for the first time.

The man I saw took my breath away, for man he was, not the boy I had fallen in love with three years ago.

Maybe it's because I'm a cop's daughter, but Jake looked particularly striking in his uniform, with his glossy black hair pulled sleekly back into a ponytail. Tall, stern-faced, he exuded an air of authority. The dark sunglasses that all law enforcement favor added a touch of mystery.

He reached behind the seat to grab the duffle bag he used for overnight visits and headed for the building with the loping stride of an outdoorsman. My heart gave a thump, the time was here. I scurried to the door and yanked it open just as his key sounded in the lock.

I leaned into Jacob as he wrapped his arms around me. I soaked in the sense of tall trees and wind and mountains that he brought with him. Was it just my own nervousness, or did he seem a little tense? He pulled away and gave me a quick kiss.

"You look nice, honey," he smiled approvingly at the sundress I wore.

Jake went into the bedroom to put up his sidearm. He was very conscientious about removing the bullets and storing them away in a lock box; it was a ritual I remembered well from my childhood. I had teased him a time or two, asking what he was afraid of, but he just calmly replied that it was a good habit to have. The familiar clinking sounds seemed oddly loud to me tonight.

There was an unusual brightness to his eyes as he asked, "Is there time before dinner to talk a little? There're a few things…" His voice ran down and he looked at me inquiringly.

"Of course." Whatever it was, I hoped it didn't take too long - I had my own agenda for talking.

He joined me on the sofa, sitting up straight, not sprawling as was his usual habit. With a sense of mounting unease I watched him twist his fingers together; it was so unlike Jacob to be unsure of himself.

He cleared his throat a couple of times and began. "Well, I had this all practiced out, but now I can't remember what I planned," he shrugged sheepishly. "So, here goes." He took a deep breath.

"Bella, I… can't go on like this. I was mistaken about the imprint thing, I guess. I-I didn't know how it would be, with us apart for so long." My jaw fell open as I listened with growing horror to his stumbling words. He floundered on, "I was… wrong about some things…a-and I need to tell you-"

I leaped up from the sofa, turning on him and gasping in shock and outrage. My love, all the things we had talked about - my plans for tonight - everything was in ruins!

"You were _mistaken_?" I heard myself hissing. "You were WRONG?

"After all those times you told me you were ABSOLUTELY certain you had imprinted on me, that I didn't have to worry about it? You even had me convinced that _I_ had imprinted on _you_ in some way! Because of some ancestor that Charlie _might_ have had! Now you tell me it was a _mistake_!"

Hands clutched in my hair, I spun away from him. I felt positively wild with despair and rage. How could this happen to me again?

"Bella, w-wait, l-let me explain-"

"There's no _possible_ explanation that you could give me for this! Is it someone I know? Someone who makes a better _bitch_ for you?" He flinched at the word, and at my vehemence. I was so distraught I didn't really care what meaning Jake, the dog, the _mutt_, chose to give to it.

"Bella, please –" he began again.

"I can't listen to you!" It came out as a whisper-scream. I was frantic to get away from him, I wanted to run and run and never come back. I seethed with heartbreak and humiliation, to think what I had been about to say, been about to ask.

Jacob was between me and the door, I ran into the bathroom. He cornered me there.

"_Bella_ –" He entreated.

"Not. One. Word." I snarled, both hands gripping the wash basin; I refused to look at him. "Don't. Waste. Your. Breath."

Exasperated, he finally shouted at me, "For crying out loud, Bella, will you shut the hell up? I'm trying to propose to you!"

Shut up I did, for a moment, struck speechless. A kind of hiccup came out of my throat, and then a horrible keening - a mixture of laughing and crying - began to pour from my lips. It kept going.

"I must be having hysterics," I thought in an oddly detached corner of my mind; I couldn't seem to stop.

Jake looked alarmed and gently shook me. "Bella, stop, it's okay, stop now."

The keening kept on; I could feel my eyes grow round with fright. I struggled to catch a deep breath, to break the momentum; I was seeing funny-colored lights at the edges of my vision.

Jacob looked around wildly and grabbed the bathroom tumbler. He ran a small amount of water into it which he tossed in my face.

The keening stopped abruptly. Warily, Jake handed me a towel to mop up with. I allowed myself to be drawn back into the living room and seated on the sofa. I sat gasping and shuddering slightly, trying to catch my breath and to make sense of what had passed in the last few minutes.

Motioning with his hands for me to stay put, Jake went swiftly into the kitchen where I could hear him rummaging in the fridge. "What's this red stuff in the pitcher?"

"Sangria." I quavered. We were neither of us big drinkers but I had hoped a toast might be in order.

He brought me a water glass full and watched anxiously as I sipped and sniffled and finally gave him a tremulous smile.

When I had pulled myself together, sort of, he said hesitantly, "Now, granted, that has to be one of the worst proposals of all time-"

"_The_ worst." I muttered darkly.

"- but do you mind giving me a clue about the…_fit_? I know I started, well, _really_ badly, but… why'd you freak like that?"

A nervous giggle slipped from my lips, causing Jake's eyes to widen apprehensively.

"Relax, I'm fine, it's just… I was going to propose to _you_ tonight." The admission came out of me slowly and my eyes dropped to where my hands were knotting themselves in my lap.

"Then when you said you made a mistake about the imprinting and all…" I ran down at that, I was still mystified by his earlier words. "I-I thought…well…" I whispered brokenly.

He made a sort of gulping noise before muttering, "Aw, jeez, I'm _so_ sorry about that, Bella. I meant for this to be all smooth and then I got so nervous… You're not mad anymore, are you?" He was red in the face and he looked so wretchedly embarrassed.

My heart went out to him - I knew exactly how he felt.

"Can… we start over?" I asked tentatively. His answer was to grin and put an arm around me, pulling me close. I gave a shaky sigh of relief and snuggled closer to his chest.

"When I said I was mistaken about the imprinting, I was trying to say that I didn't know how strong it was before we lived apart. When you moved here I just thought it would be, you know, inconvenient. Like when you went to visit Renée and I couldn't come along." He shook his head as if amazed at his own ignorance.

"But I keep feeling like I'm caught in a rip current. Something keeps pulling at me, telling me that I _have_ to be with you. There's been times I sort of came to standing by the truck, keys in my hand, all ready to drive down here in the middle of the night to kidnap you!"

This was so close to my own feelings; I gave myself a mental kick for having doubted Jacob for even a second.

Straightening up, I smoothed back my tousled hair. I tried not to think of how I looked, no doubt my face was blotchy from crying and I could feel damp spots on my dress from the tumbler of water. No matter; the time had come.

Jake started to speak, but I silenced him with a finger on his lips. "You already blew your chance, pal! Now it's my turn.

"You know, when I came down here, I – well, I wanted to prove to myself that I could live without you. And I found out I can." I smothered a smile at his expression. "You deserved that!" I said severely. He rolled his eyes contritely by way of reply.

"I can - and I _hate_ it! That's what I found out - that I need you, Jacob Black, like… like I need my next breath. I don't know just how we'll manage it, but… we have to be together."

He started to answer but I gestured that I wasn't done yet. "You asked me to live with you a while back and I said no, because I wasn't ready. And I'd still say no, but for a different reason.

"I think we - what we have - deserves more than that; we don't need a practice run. I want everybody to know that we belong to each other." I felt a sudden stab of shyness; I forced myself to maintain eye contact. "I love you so much, Jake. I want to be with you always. W-will you marry me?" I had practiced this speech no less than a thousand times, wanting so much to sound as sure as I felt, but my emotions took over and my voice trembled in spite of my efforts.

Jacob's eyes positively glowed as he took my face in his huge, gentle hands and leaned forward to kiss me. Eagerly, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling myself tight against him.

One of his hands moved from my face to make a slow caressing journey down my neck and shoulder, gliding deliciously over my breast before sliding along my ribs to my hip. He lifted my thighs so my legs were across his lap, then the hand returned to explore my behind through the soft fabric of my dress.

"Um, Bells, when did you start going commando?" He asked with a smile in his voice.

"We-ell," I said with a sigh of mock reluctance, "I wanted to be prepared in case I needed to use my feminine wiles on you. For persuasion purposes, you know." I gave him a sidelong look through my eyelashes, permitting myself a small, meaningful, smirk.

"Ah, persuasion. Maybe you better show me how that works," he murmured against my lips. The spark inside me that was _Jacob _began to brighten as he slowly drew a line with his finger along my jaw, over my chin and down my throat. Talking was over for the moment.

Jake was half reclining against the sofa's arm with his right arm supporting my back. My legs were sprawled across his as his right hand combed through my hair and cradled the back of my head. His lips wandered over my neck and shoulders then moved back to my mouth, claiming my tongue, invoking little purry sounds from the back of my throat.

"_I'm_ supposed to be persuading_ you_." I reminded him playfully.

"Alright then," he chuckled, "give me your best sales pitch."

I raised myself and shifted my weight onto my knees so that I was straddling him; cupping his chin in both my hands I went to work. I lightly dragged my teeth over his lower lip and sucked it into my mouth, gratified to hear the little hum he made. My fingers laced together around to the back of his head as I crushed my lips against his.

As always, the depth of my hunger for him took me by surprise. I kissed him with growing urgency and my heart soared as he responded in kind, his hands smoothing patterns on my skin.

Forcing myself to move slowly, I nibbled my way down his throat to the open collar of his uniform shirt. As I undid each button I pressed a lingering kiss to his gradually exposed chest; his smooth, sculpted chest. I paused to flick my tongue over each nipple, which I repeated for the pleasure of hearing the huff of breath from his nostrils, then continued down his belly to his navel.

With my fingers poised at the button of his khakis, I rolled my eyes to look at his face. He was slightly flushed, lips parted in a half smile, a smile which widened as I unbuttoned and unzipped. Jake raised his hips as I tugged the heavy twill down his ass; I eased the fabric over the swell of his erection, which almost leapt as it was freed. A few more pulls and the pants lay discarded on the floor.

Another glance up at him; his eyes were deeply hooded, the smile had been replaced by a look of inward concentration. I made myself comfortable between Jacob's legs: the persuasion was about to begin in earnest.

A kiss on the inside of the knee to start, then I moved up his inner thigh, lightly seizing bits of his skin between my teeth – not exactly nipping, but teasing him that I _just might _at any moment. At his groin, I drove my pointed tongue into the crevice between his thigh and the sensitive skin of his pouch; then I started all over again at the opposite knee. The shifts and starts of his weight on the sofa, his gasps and exhalations, let me know just how effective my opening arguments were.

I was thoroughly enjoying this process but I felt that I had teased him enough for the moment. I placed my hands on either side of his blazing hot shaft and rolled it lightly between my palms; ducking my head, I lipped him from bottom to top. Then, taking firm hold of matters, I swirled my tongue round and around his tip, savoring the faintly metallic-sweet taste of his arousal. His breathing grew rough as I took as much of him in my mouth as I could and wrapped my hands around what I couldn't.

"Aaannhh." A thick sound of pleasure rumbled from his chest and his fingers lightly wove into my hair. My eyes raked up his body, his head was thrown back and his red-brown nipples were puckered tight. The heat that was growing in my core threatened to burst into flame.

Disengaging, I crawled up his body; he instinctively knew to sit upright on the sofa and, standing on my knees, I straddled his hips once more. We devoured each others' mouths, making wordless exclamations as our tongues fought and mingled.

Tearing my lips from his, I leaned away and untied the bows that were the straps of my sundress. The bodice fell to my waist leaving my breasts naked; naked and craving Jacob's touch. With a little growl he pressed his face into my aching flesh, avidly taking in one nipple then moving to the other. Squeaking gasps escaped my mouth as I was submerged in the sensations of hands, mouth and teeth, kneading, suckling, nibbling.

My breath grew increasingly ragged as I reached under my skirt, pulling the folds of fabric away enough to get a firm grip on the hard, blazing heat of him, guiding it to the burning void of my source. I needed him to fill me, needed to have him become part of me.

I tantalized myself for a long moment, hovering over his rock hard member. Then, with a plunge, I impaled myself on him. I rose on my knees; traveling the length of his hard-on, to press myself down on him again. And again.

"Uh, god, Bells, you're so fucking hot!" He panted hoarsely as he groaned, "this isn't going to take long."

"Uh huh," I agreed breathlessly. Every part of my body, every follicle and pore, tightened and twisted, forming a vortex spinning around in my sex; I could feel the pulses of my core gripping me, spreading through me.

"Almost…there…aahh, yes-s, yes-s."

Jacob's hands pressed on my hips, pushing me down firmly on his hot thickness, as his orgasm took him, his jerking thrusts shaking my whole body. Feeling my lover's pleasure inside me shoved me over the peak and I was wrung with searing spasms of shocking joy.

We came down to earth, panting, gasping. My head leaned weakly against my wolf's chest.

"Okay," he wheezed, "you talked me into it, let's get married."

**-oOo-**

Freshly showered and dressed in jeans and a stretchy tee, I fairly danced as I went about the final dinner preparations. I was even happier than I had anticipated.

"Mmmm, that smells great, honey, what is it?" My wolf walked into the tiny kitchen, sniffing appreciatively. He was clad only in a favorite pair of worn blue jeans and was vigorously toweling his long black hair. The contrast between uniformed-buttoned up Jacob and this vision of vital male beauty almost made my heart stop.

Reluctantly, I pulled my mind back to the meal. "It's a new recipe, Flemish Beef Stew. It has dark beer and bacon and onions." Jacob stepped up behind me where I stood at the counter. His arms slid around me, he rested his chin on my head and made a sound of contentment deep in his throat.

He smelled fresh and clean from the shower. I turned around in his embrace and laid my face against his chest. I inhaled deeply, filling my head with his personal scent. A few times I had tried replacing the plain Ivory soap he used with something less harsh smelling, but always gave up after a couple of days: I was so habituated to that element in his aroma that anything else just didn't fit.

"Is this more of your 'persuasion'? Because if it is I think we should get engaged every day!" We laughed as if he had something truly witty; I still felt a somewhat giddy after the earlier welter of emotions.

"Engaged!" I exclaimed under my breath, it seemed almost absurd to think of myself as a fiancée. "I guess we need to start telling people," I continued thoughtfully, "Charlie'll be pleased, I know, and Renée _will_ be, once she gets used to the idea of being a mother-in-law!"

"Aaah, about that, Bells, I sorta told Charlie already." He gave me a sheepish grin.

I looked at him in mild surprise. "Did you ask my father for my 'hand in marriage'? Isn't that kind of…?"

"Not exactly. I couldn't really, um, tell Dad and not _your_ father. They're best friends and all, so…" He shrugged one shoulder.

Jake and his father were very close; it made sense that he would include him. "So, our dads know. Anyone else?" I said lightly as I gave the stew a stir, not expecting the forthcoming answer.

"Well, Rachel and Paul. I mean I had to talk them, since they'll be moving into the house. Though they're over there so much these days it won't be much of a change, but I didn't like to assume, you know. And, um -"

The spoon dropped onto the stove top with a clatter, I turned to face him. "Wait a minute, I'm getting lost here. Why are Rachel and Paul moving into your house? Where are _we_ going to live?"

"Here, of course." He sounded surprised. "I mean, we'll need to find a bigger place, but we can afford it; I'm making decent money. What were you thinking?"

"That I'd…withdraw from school?" I said in a little voice. "Come back home?"

"Absolutely not." He said with finality. I raised my eyebrows at his tone. He scowled, but I knew the look that meant he was hiding a smile. "As your future lord and master, I forbid it."

"Oh, ho! So that's how it's going to be! You're not waiting to start the overbearing, arrogant, macho crap, are you?" I loved these wrangles.

"Sure, sure. It's high time you learned your place, woman!" Even Jacob, the great dissembler, couldn't keep a straight face at that. "Like that's ever worked on you!" We both snorted with laughter at such nonsense.

"Really, honey, what are you thinking? You can't quit now!"

"Ohh, well, just for a while. You've got to finish your course, and Billy does need someone, and I can start back when things settle down…." My voice drifted off lamely as my wolf slowly shook his head at my words.

"Bells, just listen, I've got things figured out." I widened my eyes. "Depending on your approval, of course." He gave a conciliatory smile and I nodded for him to continue.

"I appreciate how ready you are to put your own plans aside for me and Dad, I _really_ do. It's just that I've seen too much of that kind of thing on the rez. Something happens and the kid comes home 'just for a while'. But things never do settle down, something else happens, and then….

"Bella, I will love you and respect you no matter what, but you deserve better than to end up clerking at Newton's Outfitters for the rest of your life." He looked at the floor and said softly, "You'll never feel right about yourself if you don't finish this. And…I don't want you ever to resent me because you didn't get to follow your ambitions."

With a pang, I remembered Jake telling me that this had been a point of contention between his parents.

Brightening up, he went on, "Anyway, Rachel and Paul are cool with helping Dad – he's her father, too, you know. Hell, Paul was measuring to put an addition on the place before I was even out the door." Jake gave an indignant huff; there was still friction aplenty between the brothers-in-law. Paul and I, on the other hand, got along just great.

"B-but, what about you?" I protested faintly. "You're going to complete the training course, right?"

"We'll just have to gut that out, I'm afraid, but it's only a few more months. Barely enough time for you and Renée and, er, Sue and Leah, to plan a wedding!" His face was alight with anticipation.

"Gack! A wedding!" I clapped a hand to my forehead. I could just picture myself, all dressed in white, lurching and stumbling down the aisle, taking a row of bridesmaids with me as I fell onto the altar.

"Yes, a wedding. Funny thing, every marriage I've ever heard of starts with one of those. Reckon there's anything in that?" Jake's mouth twisted in a grin as he took in my look of near panic.

"I don't suppose I could talk you into something simple? Isn't that what most men want? Judge's chambers or something?" That wouldn't be too bad, I thought to myself; I shriveled inwardly at the prospect of so much attention focused on me.

"Hate to break this to you, Bells, but I'm definitely under the impression that Charlie sees himself walking you down the aisle."

"Make the hand off official and all." I grumbled.

"A bit like that, but mainly I think he wants to have a firm grip on your arm so you don't go AWOL at the eleventh hour." He looked serious but his brown eyes twinkled at me.

Another mental image joined the earlier montage: Jake in a tuxedo, solemly waiting as Charlie brought me to him. Dazzling.

I wanted to argue the point further, but curiosity sidetracked me. "So you'll move to Tacoma." My voice was flat as I considered that prospect. "You hate Tacoma. And what will you do?"

"Keep working for Parks and Wildlife. Here's what I've got worked out." He went on to tell me of the arrangements he had made with his supervisor for a 'temporary detachment' to the area. "It won't kill me to live here, not if I get to be with you." He stretched comfortably. "And what's a couple of years?"

"Easy to say that when you can live indefinitely." I muttered glumly. I really didn't want to consider that aspect of our relationship, especially today.

"But…I won't be." Was the quiet reply. "I talked to Sam before I left town. I've resigned from the pack, Bella."

"How-? But-?" I switched off the stove and sat down rather heavily at the little table. I had gone from single, to jilted, to engaged in less than an hour; now my intended was casually discussing even more life changes. It was rather a lot to take in.

"It's not unheard of, look at Leah. And it _is_ in the old lore, you remember the story about Taha Aki's third wife." My wolf gave me a sly glance. "I don't need to wait so long, I figure one wife will be enough trouble for a lifetime."

I wouldn't rise to the bait. "It's… just, well, so much. I don't like to think of you making such a sacrifice. And won't that be hard?"

He patted his leg and I moved to perch on his knee. He looked at me seriously and conceded, "Yes, it probably will be hard, in ways I haven't even considered yet. But don't go thinking I'm all noble and long-suffering here. You know being a wolf isn't something I wanted and it's never been the same for me as it has for the others. Keeping you happy is a more important than being some mystic warrior." He smiled reassuringly, his brown eyes steady and sweet.

"Thank you." I whispered shakily, leaning my head against his chest. Now that the issue had been removed, I realized fully just how much it had bothered me.

The pensive moment was broken as Jacob's stomach gave a loud grumble of hunger. How typical! With a giggle I hopped up and got back on task.

While tossing the salad a realization struck me: "So - just how many people know? Or rather, _knew, _about the engagement?" I began ticking the list on my fingers, "Charlie – so that means Sue, and I guess Leah and Seth, too - Billy, your boss, Sam – and by extension, Emily – Rachel and Paul…"

"Er, since Paul knows, that means the rest of the pack…" he gave an apologetic smile, "and their mates and families."

"Huh," I said blankly, "is there anyone _I_ get to tell? My mother, maybe? Angela and Ben?" I fell silent, looking into space as I considered this.

"Uh, you're not mad again, are you?" Jake inquired meekly.

"No-o-o. I was just wondering if there's material in this for a short story, something funny, a proposal by committee sort of thing…" I shook my head and filed the thought away for future development.

Over dinner, and a couple of glasses of Sangria a piece, our conversation ranged far and wide as we discussed wedding plans and honeymoon thoughts. The latter ran the gamut from the exotic (Bali) to romantic (southern France) to the mundane (a camping trip to Lake Louise).

I firmly vetoed the last suggestion. "I absolutely refuse to spend my honeymoon cold and damp, huddled in a tent somewhere!"

Jake wheedled, "I could keep you warm! Just think, the two of us, snuggled together in a sleeping bag…?" He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

With a snort of laughter, I declared, "You can keep me just as warm in a proper bed somewhere with room service!"

Together we scraped and rinsed the plates, stacking them in the sink for later. I turned to my love and said, archly, "Ready for dessert? It's Chocolate Truffle Pie…."

Lifting me lightly and setting me on the counter, Jacob leaned in to give me tiny whispers of kisses all around my mouth. "Mmmm, I'm in the mood for something sweet, but it's not chocolate."

Just the answer I'd been hoping for.

The kisses deepened and became more heated. "I'm getting all wet." I breathed.

"That _was_ my intention," came the smug reply.

"There's water on the counter top; my butt's getting soaked." I snickered.

He scooped me into his arms and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me to the bed room. "We better get you out of those wet things right away!" he said roguishly, as he undressed me.

I paused to light the candles placed strategically around the room. Jake came up behind me and pulled me back against him; his bare skin was burning hot. I could feel his rigid heat pressed against my back; a tightness formed in my chest at this evidence of his desire.

As a lover Jacob was focused, and thorough, with a tightly controlled gentleness, always mindful of his own strength and size. I burned for that contained power with an intensity that sometimes frightened me. And the rare occasions when that control slipped…the mere memory could send my senses reeling.

"Jake, you won't get… too civilized will you? There'll still be… some of your wolf left, won't there?"

"Too civilized?" He murmured in a deceptively silky voice, I could feel him shake with silent laughter, "ever heard the saying 'be careful what you wish for'?"

There was a shift in the atmosphere and the playfulness of our earlier encounter, of even just a moment before, was gone, replaced by feral tautness that stole the breath from my lungs as excitement rippled through me.

His hands brushed down my body, from shoulders to inner thighs. Then, curving his fingers, he raked them lightly back up, dragging over my flesh with the backs of his nails. With astonishing speed, his hand wrapped itself tightly in my hair and he pulled my head back so that my face was tilted up toward his.

Jake pressed his lips to my neck with bruising pressure, then seized my earlobe in his teeth. A growl from deep in his throat made all the little hairs on my body stand on end, my nipples felt an inch long as they tightened in response. He gave a low, triumphant chuckle at my reaction.

"Get on the bed, Bella." There was a rough edge to his voice that initiated an inward shiver of almost painful anticipation. I lay down on my back, and with a lithe movement so quick as to be almost invisible, he was looming over me on all fours. Without touching, he hovered his face a finger width from my skin, his breath snuffling as he inhaled, capturing my scent. The act had a raw, primitive feel as he roamed my body, all without contact, absorbing the smell of my hair, my neck, my underarms, the space between my breasts.

I reached for him, my hands and arms aching with my need to clasp him to me, to fondle and arouse as he was doing to me.

"No." His voice was low, yet commanding. I froze at his tone. Brow to brow, his eyes bored into mine. "My turn now. You had your way with me earlier…." He paused and the tension between us grew, "I want to show you just how much you belong to me." I nodded, beyond words, almost beyond breathing. There was a veritable crackle of electricity between us.

My lover slipped to the floor, kneeling perpendicular to where I lay on the bed. He caught my eyes with his for a long moment, then turned and grasped my foot. His hot mouth engulfed my toes and a jolt of electricity shot straight down my leg to my hub. His lips made a meandering backward journey from my instep, along my inner leg, with a nip to the sensitive skin on the underside of my knee.

His movements were studied and restrained, an awareness of his pent up ferocity swirled through my senses. There was a rumbling, animal sound, just at the threshold of audibility, as he nosed my mound; with a muffled yelp he buried his mouth between my lips.

My hips bucked as his tongue flicked rapidly over my clit; his hands slipped under my legs, rounding my thighs and pulling them apart to open me fully to his hunger. I ground my split into his face and I could feel the vibration as the rumbling grew louder. The tightly coiled passion in my center was sprung and pulses of white hot liquid energy flowed as the orgasm rocketed through me.

I hadn't even begun to catch my breath when he yanked his face away and with a bound he was on the bed again, flipping me over to my stomach and pulling up my hips. "Spread your legs," was the curt order as his knees nudged mine apart. And yet he would not enter me! I could feel the heaviness of his erection on my back, then pressing against my thigh, and then lightly stroking the cleft of my ass. I squirmed, raising my hips trying to draw him to me.

"Oh, oh!" Little squeaks of frustration slipped from me. "Jacob, I need you!"

"Tell me what you need," the edge in his voice forced the words from me.

"I need you inside me… I need you to_ fuck_ me…. Give it to me! _Please_!" I gasped out, nearly senseless in my necessity.

With a heart stopping snarl, he plunged into me. But he wasn't done tormenting me; I could feel him trembling with the effort of remaining motionless within me. The walls of my sex fluttered around his thickness. I rocked back on my knees to start the momentum; the sound of my whimpers as I strove for satisfaction seemed to inflame him.

With a roar, he began pounding into me. "Yes, yes!" I cried out as his body claimed mine. Instinctively, my hand wove back between his legs to clutch his stones in my palm. His wrist brushed mine as he slid his fingers into my slit, pressing and stroking my knot. I could feel another climax building within me when Jacob jerked out of me abruptly; I barely had time to moan a protest before he had me rolled onto my back.

"I want to see your face when you come." The words were ground out between gritted teeth as his blazing hot shaft drove into me once more. My head moved up and down on the bed, my hair tangling in the rumpled sheets under the force of his movements. I could feel him bottom out with every stroke and yet I wished I could take more of him, I wanted to absorb his entire body into mine.

He reared back onto his knees and hooked his arms under my knees, his thrusts becoming wild and frantic. I dug my fingers into his thighs trying to gain some traction. Jacob's face was a savage mask of greedy lust, his teeth bared, his eyes seeming blind as our maddening gallop raced onward.

Seeing my lover so consumed by his wanting for me pushed me over the edge once more and a release that was not a release gripped me. My joy surged and fulfilled but did not quite let me go: I slid down, then coasted on a plateau of pleasure just under the peak till at last I could feel Jake explode inside me.

He threw back his head in his extremity and howled. The eerie wail wove through my ears, into my head and resonated in my body. I arched into him, stars bursting behind my eyelids as we tumbled off the world together.

As I landed, shuddering and gasping, I opened bleary eyes, looking up at my lover – my husband-to-be – as he struggled to recover. I felt him soften inside me and he shakily pulled out and groped his way to fall on the bed beside me. Eyes still closed he pulled me to him; I could feel the heavy trickle of his essence on my leg. Gradually, the pounding of his heart slowed and his breathing grew more measured.

His hand lightly caressed my face; he gasped in consternation as his fingers detected the tears on my cheeks. "Bella! Are you alright? Did I…?"

"I'm wonderful." I whispered faintly, "It was just so -."

"Intense." We said the word together. We lay for a time, whispering and sighing, exchanging soft touches and tender kisses, I felt absolutely napped in Jacob's love. Idly, I asked, "Is it just me, or has… _this_ gotten stronger? Does it ever end? Wanting you like this?"

"Not according to Dad," was the murmured reply.

My eyes flew open as I exclaimed in horror, "You talk to your FATHER about our sex?"

"Hell no! That's creepy, Bells! It's come up a few times at pack meetings, is all. Seems all the guys, _and _girls, feel like this."

"Oh. Well." I recovered somewhat, then had to ask, teasingly, "So that's the sort of things you guys talk about at those meetings, is it?"

"Like you girls don't when you get together! It _is_ kind of interesting, don't you think?" He rejoined dryly.

"It's something to do with the, er, magic or whatever it is. You get the optimal mate to make more little wolves, and, um, you keep on wanting to."

I reflected aloud that the future was looking brighter than ever; silently, I blessed modern birth control.

One of the things that Emily always stressed at our wolf girl gatherings was the dangers of dehydration. Jake brought me a glass of water then went over to his duffle bag and rummaged for something. Returning to the bed, he sat and turned the object over and over in his hands, before setting it on the night stand. It was a small jeweler's box.

His face was thoughtful as he cleared his throat and said, "I'm sorry I got off to such a bad start earlier, Bells. I meant for this to be, um, romantic and all…. And then you went and stole my thunder." He gave me a sly look.

"We've always had a sort of 'understanding', but I wanted to propose for real, because… I don't want you to ever think that I take anything about us for granted. Didn't exactly plan on doing this naked though!" His lips twitched, holding back a grin.

"Naked works for me!" I snickered, around the lump that was forming in my throat. Jacob was my lover, my playmate, my best friend, my protector and then some, but when he got all tender and serious… my heart began to pound as a little tickle of happiness uncurled in my stomach.

My hand was surrounded by his and he held my eyes with his own. "Bella, I've been in love with you always; even before we met, it's like I just knew there was something special waiting to happen. Then I saw you that day on First Beach and – it happened.

"I know you don't believe in love at first sight and you've always hated the whole imprint business –" I stirred restlessly at this, "- but you filled up the world for me that day and it's never changed. Even when it looked hopeless, I couldn't see any future for me but you.

"Isabella Swan, you are the star I orbit around. Will you have me as your husband?" I thought how typical it was of Jake to consider how he would be to me, instead of the other way around.

I wanted to say something eloquent and poetic, but all that came out was a tiny, "Yes." I had said it all earlier.

Jacob opened the jeweler's box. He gave a little chuckle as he explained, "The plan was to take you shopping for a ring – we can still do that, if you want – but I saw this when I was in Bellingham a couple of weeks ago and it made me think of you. It's not a typical engagement ring, but then, you're not a typical woman."

"Damn! You're good!" As always I tried to cover my feelings with a joke. He merely cocked an eyebrow at me and singled out the ring finger on my left hand. I felt the cool band slid into place.

Overcome with curiosity, I switched on the bedside lamp. In delicate gold filigree was an oval garnet – he'd remembered from a conversation long ago that garnets were my favorite – on either side were a tiny cluster of two diamonds and a sapphire.

"It's perfect!" I breathed, then I exclaimed, "I should have gotten something for you!"

Jake tossed back his hair and laughed, "What else would I want? I have _you_, Bella!"

-oOo-

**If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you.**

Winnie the Pooh to Piglet

-oOo-

So... what do you think? Romantic, lemony fluff - or barely veiled porn? *giggle*


	2. Chapter 2

All things Twilight are the sole property of the divine Stephenie Meyers. This fan fic is purely for entertainment with no other gain. No copyright infringement is intended. Think of it as an _homage_…

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I frakked up when I uploaded **93 Million Miles**! The page crashed, I was in a hurry, and when I reloaded I forgot to check 'complete' – **93** was supposed to be a one-shot!

That said, I here offer an outtake of a conversation that Simply. Had. To Happen.

Hope you enjoy it!

**Absolution **

"Rats!" I grumped to myself as I looked down the long line of parked cars. No spaces left anywhere even close to my apartment. As I cruised slowly, I could just make out one spot at the farthest end of the lot, under the broken security light, completely in shadow. The creepy place, great. I pulled in with a sigh.

Wearily, I gathered my things together. It had been a long-ass day, to use one of Jake's terms: a full class load and then work.

The gig had been some sort of charity do, where I had been assigned to tend bar, something I disliked because I didn't feel very competent at it. Not to mention that at this sort of gathering people were determined to get every penny's worth of value from their ticket price – which included an open bar. It had been madly busy and, of course, the bar was the last thing to shut down. I was beat.

A little whimper escaped my lips as I slid out of the car and put my weight on my swollen, achy feet. I affirmed to myself that the reward of trudging the length of the lot and up the stairs would be a stinging hot shower, or maybe a bath, with half an hour of non-required reading and –

Movement caught the corner of my eye. I froze, gripped in the cold clutch of fear, the frantic rhythm of my heart almost choking me. Slowly, with every nerve on edge, I scanned the deserted parking lot, searching the shadows with my eyes.

Someone was there, waiting for me.

My visitor hesitated at the brink of the darkness, luminous skin gleaming faintly in the far off glow of the street lamp, and waited, perfectly motionless. Beautiful, graceful, heartbreaking.

"Hello, Bella." The voice had the same poignant, bell-like quality I had recalled countless times in aching detail.

Paralyzed, I could only stare in disbelief; a hallucination, that must be it.

"I-I wasn't sure if you'd be glad to see me or not…" The apparition emerged from the concealing shadows.

"Alice." The word trickled from my lips in the merest breath of sound. Tentatively, she held out a dainty hand, her topaz eyes were wide and wary.

My rain jacket, back pack and textbooks fell unheeded to the ground and I launched myself at her. "Alice, oh, _uff_!" I'd forgotten how _hard_ she was; it was like running headlong into a wall of cement.

Gingerly, she returned my embrace, then carefully disentangled herself from my arms. Our eyes were locked as we studied each other intently for a long moment. Tears welled in my eyes, tears of shock and joy, and of remembered sadness at the way I had missed her.

Alice looked as if she would be tearful, too, if such a thing were possible. My friend, whom I had never seen caught off balance in any social situation, seemed as uncertain as I felt.

"H-how have you been?" she asked timidly.

A whirl of possible answers boiled up in my mind: angry, sorrowful, sarcastic, accusing words, words meant to lash out and exact a measure of the anguish that had nearly destroyed me.

"It's been almost four years, Alice, is that the best you can do? Small talk?" The harsh reply was out of my lips before I could stop it. Hastily I amended, "Oh crap, let me start over! Um, I've…never been better, in lots of ways. Other ways, sort of ordinary, you know?" I gave a little one shoulder shrug and an apologetic smile.

As the reality of the situation sank in, my reactions to my visitor were unsettling me. At one time the appearance of Alice would have transported me with happiness, second only to the presence of one other. That had been a long time ago.

Truly, I was delighted to see her, and yet…my life – my very being – was different than before. Any conversation we had would have to include something of the sort.

"Listen, we don't have to stand here in the parking lot! Why don't you come up to my place, we can really talk there." I started picking up my belongings from where they lay on the pavement.

"I better not, it wouldn't be a good idea. " Alice murmured reluctantly. "I tried to go up there before to wait. I-it smells really bad all around your apartment, Bella." Her nose wrinkled in distaste.

Good grief, of course, Jacob's scent would be all over the place. I wondered how much she knew, or could guess, about certain particulars of my life.

"Ah, there's a little all-night coffee place a couple of blocks away, we can go there?" I ventured. Neutral territory, so to speak, that would be better.

Hurriedly, I threw my things in the back seat of my car, turning in time to see Alice looking disdainfully at my outfit.

"I just got off work." I said, explaining my conservatively cut black pants and staid white blouse to her. "I work for a caterer."

She nodded, a bit skeptically. I had the feeling she could mentally see into my closet and the array of discount store jeans and faded hoodies that comprised my wardrobe.

"It's funny to see you drive something other than that old truck," was the observation as we settled into the Spectra I had acquired – well, that Jake had found for me – when I decided to attend school away from home. I found myself casting covert glances at Alice: there was something different about her, I just couldn't quite place what it was.

"Charlie inherited my truck," I explained. "He uses it for his fishing trips. Sue – that's his girlfriend – says it's a disgrace and she's threatening to disable it and turn it into a planter box."

A squeal at the revelation of activity in my father's love life sounded more like the Alice I remembered and the topic kept us going through the brief drive.

We arrived at The Grounds Keeper and brightly made inconsequential conversation as we got our order and found a discreet table. We sat in uneasy silence for a few moments, then both tried to speak at the same time.

"Tell me about-"

"Why did you-"

We stopped, and giggled self-consciously. My companion made one of her impossibly graceful gestures, indicating for me to go first.

"Why did you come to see me? I mean, why now and not…before?" I couldn't help asking.

Alice hesitated a moment before answering, "At first, Edward made us all promise not to contact you; he made me promise not to even look for you in my mind. But I can't always help it you know… and so…for a long time I, _we_, thought you were dead."

That made me sit up straight. "Dead? I-I -." I was struck speechless.

Her voice was very low in remembered pain as she haltingly said, "I wasn't keeping tabs on you, I swear. It's just that I'm already attuned to you…I saw you jump from a cliff," she choked, "I saw you go into the water and I waited and waited for you to come up, but you didn't. Where _you_ should have, there was just – _nothing_. It was several months before… we heard that you had survived."

The golden eyes were huge in her delicate face as she whispered, "I – don't mean to belittle what you must have gone through, Bella, and I'm so, _so_ sorry, but you have no idea what …we all felt when we thought you had…taken your life. That was a very bad time."

Holding myself almost as still as my companion, I mulled this over. Somehow, I had always thought that if, a_ big_ if, Alice had ever looked into my life, that my motives and feelings would be as plain to her as my actions.

"I-I never thought of that...I didn't think that you-", I swallowed the word "cared" before it was uttered – how petulant that sounded, even in my mind.

Her hand crept across the table and the cold marble fingers closed carefully around mine, "I know we had no claim on you anymore, but how could you even _think_ of doing that to Charlie?" Her gaze was reproachful but I sensed that the rebuke was only partly directed at me.

Now I realized what about her had changed: her "human" gestures, expressions, blinking and the like, were no longer second nature to her. Each reaction was just the tiniest beat off: she was having to remember to act "normal", a skill she had previously taken considerable pride in.

"We-e-ll," I began slowly, "I wasn't really in my right mind at the time, that's true, but it's not what you think."

With many stops and starts I sketched an outline of my life, especially my obsessive quest to hear Edward's voice in my head. As I spoke, I drank in the minute changes to her exquisite face: the mannerisms seemed to be coming to her more easily. In fact, her pain was so evident that I found myself glossing over some details.

"You know, I very nearly came to Forks when I saw that–that vision, but then I figured that I'd be just about the last person Charlie would want to see." She gave a flick of an exquisite eyebrow to indicate the thought we were both having: there would have been _one_ person even less welcome.

A thought had been nudging my brain: "You saw me jump that day," I mused aloud, "I wonder why you couldn't see Jacob rescue me."

She frowned in perplexity. "Someone pulled you out?"

"Yes. Jacob saved me." I felt a little smile form on my lips, a welcome respite from the tension and remembered sorrow of my revelations. "That day was sort of…well, in a way, I think I had been drowning for a long time, then when Jake pulled me out of the water and got me breathing again, I kind of realized that I could have a life and that I _wanted_ one. He gave me that."

An enigmatic range of emotions flitted across her face. Something was bothering her, was it her imperfect vision?

In a rush words spilled from her mouth, as if excusing her lapse, "I hadn't, well, _seen_ you as – one of _us_ for quite some time, uh, maybe, maybe, you stopped seeing that as a possible future, yourself..." Her voice trailed off uncertainly, "It's not an exact thing, you know, just things that _might_ happen, based on choices and… and other variables.

"So-o-o, tell me about this Jacob. He's special, isn't he?" Was it my imagination, or did her inviting smile seem a trifle…forced? Surely she didn't expect me to still be pining over her brother, or did she?

"Very." My mind raced as I tried to decide what, and how much, to tell her. Cautiously, I asked, "Were you with Carlisle the first time he came to Forks? Has he, um, ever told you about the treaty? With the…Protectors?" I looked at her meaningfully, biting my lower lip, willing her to make the connection.

"Uh!" She slumped against leatherette bench – gracefully, elegantly – with a sigh of resignation. "Well, _that_ explains some things! Like that smell!"

Shaking her head in gentle admonition, she chided, "Leave it to you, Bella. Anyone else would be better off when the vampires left town. But you have to start hanging out with the first monsters you can find."

"I don't expect you to understand, Alice. I-I know they're your enemies, but…." I should have known better than to make such an assumption.

Giving me an elaborately patient look, my tiny friend retorted, "Bella, no one understands about another person's choice in love, or lack of it, but I _do_ understand something about love itself. I'm… happy for you. Really. You do love him; I can see it in your face."

I nodded vigorously, awash with relief that the disclosure had gone so easily. She didn't seem as surprised as I would have thought, maybe she saw more about me than she realized.

Resting my chin on my clasped hands, I looked off into space as I tried to marshal the words that would explain my attachment to my wolf boy, "He was so patient with me, when I was… he patched the broken places, but only when I was ready. Now I can't even tell where the patches are – it's all better than new. He's strong, in all kinds of ways, and funny, and just so…_alive_."

Something compelled me to add, "And he's really, _really_ sexy." For some reason it seemed important to establish that the two of us had a complete relationship.

It was a treat to talk about Jacob this way. I didn't think that I took him for granted, but everyone else did. Everybody we knew had been in on our love affair since the beginning; I never got to discuss my feelings for him.

"He makes you happy." It was a statement, not a question.

"Even more, Jacob taught me how to_ be_ a happy person, but…it _is_ better when he's around. " I had to blink my eyes at the sudden upwelling of emotion as, abruptly, I felt a sharp pang of missing him.

"I'm _so_ glad to hear that, Bella. I hate to say this about my own brother – and as much as I would have loved to have you for a sister – but you…wouldn't have gotten all of that from Edward. I mean, he certainly would have tried to make you happy, but-"

"-but he would have been_ trying_." We said the words in unison, and then laughed a trifle guiltily.

"Edward is such a dear, but immortality isn't a good thing for those prone to – to melancholia." Alice shook her head a little sadly. I decided it was time for a subject change.

"Er, how is… everyone? The family? Jasper?"

"The last time I spoke to Esme, she and Carlisle seemed to be doing pretty well, but she misses us a lot."

"_Spoke_ to her? Misses you? You don't – you aren't-?" I stopped, I hadn't really ever thought of the Cullen's lives as changing ever. I had simply assumed that they would go on just the same as when I had known them, only in a different location.

"We don't all live together anymore." Alice said quietly. To someone who hadn't known her as I had, who hadn't zealously examined and re-examined every memory, she probably would have sounded matter of fact. _I_ could tell she was grieving.

"Because of me?" I whispered, stricken.

"No, because of _us_." She said bitterly. "Because of what we are. We're not just some interesting variation of 'normal', you know, like nudists or freegans or people who play at being Druids… we're monsters, even if we try to make believe we're human."

"You have to tell me." I urged, "You wouldn't have come here if you didn't mean to tell me."

Slowly, reluctantly even, Alice gave me a sketch of the lives of the family I had once hoped to join.

"Jasper took Edward's leaving very hard… he hasn't ever been able to forgive himself for what happened that night; he feels that the breakup of the family is his fault." She looked away, as if to hide tears that she could not shed but only feel. "Ever since that night when he…"

"Oh, _no_, Alice!" I broke in, "Please, tell him from me that I never blamed him a bit, I never even thought about it. It –it just was something that …happened."

The true reason for her visit was now very clear and, surprisingly perhaps, I found that I didn't mind at all.

I got a sick feeling at the idea of Jasper punishing himself for something I hadn't considered at all: that aspect had not concerned me. I gulped at the thought of my self-preoccupation.

Jasper and I hadn't been at all well acquainted, even as close as I had been to Alice, but I had a deep certainty that he would be even better at self recriminations than I was.

Leaning forward, I laid a hand on top of one of hers and said with all the conviction I could muster, "Really, Alice, I have a good life, the best. I wouldn't have what I do if…things hadn't happened as they did. I know Jasper has to make his own peace with it all, but for my part, well, it couldn't be better."

A tremulous smile was her answer and the conversation turned again to a light discussion of the Cullens. I realized that her descriptions were purposefully somewhat vague as to whereabouts and details; that I could understand: there would be no further contact.

Regarding Edward she said only that he was living in Europe now, studying music and art, among other things. I was glad to hear it; his talent at the piano deserved such nurturing.

At last, my long, tiring day caught up with me, in spite of the charge my visitor had given me, and Alice insisted that we leave. We stood outside my apartment building for a long moment, reluctant to say a final good-bye.

Impulsively, I asked, "Can you see _anything_ in the future for me?" Not really hoping, but still…

With that far-away look of 'seeing', she touched my face with one chilly finger tip.

"Brown-eyed children."

A wistful smile, whiff of scented air, and she was gone.

There were so many things I wished I had told her, wished I had asked, but it had all gone by so fast!

It was as though a burden had been lifted from me, one I had not been entirely aware of until it was gone. This must be what people meant by closure. My footsore weariness of earlier was forgotten as I mounted the stairs to my apartment.

I had not wavered in my love for Jacob at any time in the past three years, but always in the far back of my mind had been the question: what if I had to choose between the two loves? What if Edward were to become a reality again instead of a remembered ideal – would I still make the same choice?

Alice's visit had told me all I needed to know: the point was moot – I had…_kindly_ feelings toward Edward; I certainly wished him only good things in life, well, existence. But he was only a memory, and one I could let go of now.

It was a little deflating to realize that I could not share my new found freedom with Jacob, but Alice and I had agreed at that it would be best for Jake, and by extension the rest of the pack, not to know of her visit.

Absently, I put away my things, then drifted into the bathroom. I sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for it to fill, and began to make some plans…

TEN DAYS LATER

_I checked over my preparations one more time. For about the fiftieth time. Apartment tidy, table set, clothes laid out. I fidgeted with the place settings. _

"_Really, Bella," I told myself, "If you polish the glasses any more they'll wear out! Relax."_

_Driven by my nerves I couldn't seem to help myself. I looked in the refrigerator yet again. Yup, the food I had bought and prepared was still there – just like the last time I looked. _

_In my anxiety for everything to be perfect I had made all my preparations way too early, Jacob wouldn't be here for another couple of hours. It was a lot of time to kill and the words I planned to say were running round and round my brain, leaving a sore groove in their wake._

_I sat down primly in the center of my shabby sofa and tried to settle myself to wait..._

-oOo-

Alice POV

Four years should be nothing for an Immortal, but when you're watching someone you love suffer, it's an eternity.

It was as though a burden had been lifted from me, as I sped through the sleeping city to where I had left my car. I didn't think much of Bella's neighborhood and hadn't wanted to park my darling Cayenne any closer. I giggled to myself: the way I felt right now I could have happily dispensed with a car altogether and run all the way to Seattle to where Jasper was waiting for me.

My hand was already in my purse, closing on my phone when it rang.

"Wow, you're getting good! It's what, like seven thousand miles?"

A musical sigh, then, _"I asked you not to do that, Alice."_

"No, you _ordered_ me not to, and I went with it for as long as I could."

"_But, Alice-"_

"I understood your reasons, now please try to understand mine. You're my brother, Edward, and I love you, but Jasper's my husband – I owe him different things than I do you."

I tried to give my voice the right pitch of crisp determination mixed with sympathy as I pointed out, "You're not the only one who's suffered from this."

"_I promised…"_

"And I didn't give anything away, give me some credit here. I told her the truth, as far as I could, but nothing about…you know."

"_How is she? Is she still with..._him_?"_

"Oh, she's with him, alright. Apartment, clothes, car, everything reeks!"

"_But is she happy?"_

I paused for a fraction of a second, I had thought I was prepared for this question, but now…truth or downplay it?

I opened my mouth, still undecided, and heard myself saying, "She shines, Edward. She's prettier than ever and she didn't trip _once_, and it's-."

"_-because of him."_ My ever-punctilious brother actually interrupted me. _"Thank God!" _He added, and then laughed – a trifle bitterly, to be sure – but it was a laugh nonetheless.

There was a clicking sound as my jaw, which had been hanging open, snapped shut.

"_Talk_ _about a deafening silence, Alice! Y'know, I could _feel_ the lecture you were winding up to give me."_

"In my next immortal life I hope I don't get a smart-ass brother who reads minds!"

"_Such language, sister-mine!"_

"I would have told you, I just wanted…to find the best time?" I tried not to squeak.

"_So, you were shaking in your size fives at the thought of my reaction, poor girl. I…owe you an apology for making you feel you had to choose between me and Jasper." _

"I wish-" I stopped there. Bella was plainly happy and thriving, to want things to be different would be…selfish.

"_I know. I wish – I'll always wish – it could be me, but the main thing is for Bella to… to have…" _Silence.

"You're a good man, Edward."

"_Not really,"_ he said with a shaky sigh, _"but I'm working on it. I better let you go. Love you."_

"Love you," I replied.

"_And Alice? Thank you, I-, well, just thank you."_

He hung up. I drove sedately – for me, that is – for several minutes, thinking of all the ways I admired my brother.

Then, a flick of my thumb on the phone and, "Jasper? I'm almost there. Why don't you…"

………

I have a side shot that takes place at the same time as the above, called **Jacob's Ladder, **that is about five lemony sentences from completion, it will post VERY shortly.

By reviewer request, an EPOV of certain events from **Moonshadow **is in the works.


End file.
